Purely therapeutic purposes

Purely therapeutic purposes

I don't know if it's new news to anyone that we have been trying for awhile to have
another baby. We are not trying for 20 more, just one more. It has been a very hard/trying experience. We have been able to have eight beautiful children without any problem. And I am even more grateful now. I never imagined having just one more baby would be so hard being that it hasn't been hard until now. This is our fourth miscarriage. I can't seem to get past the first trimester. The longest three x 4 months of my life. I will say (and I'm not proud) that the first 3 I didn't learn a whole lot. I did feel like I learned to have more compassion for others who lost or miscarried.
But I mostly just felt anger towards Heavenly Father and didn't understand why He would allow this to happen.--- This fourth one was different. I really tried to learn what Heavenly Father wanted me to learn. I believe that He will teach you if you are teachable (humble, willing, patient, calm, prayerful). I learned that I have to have faith in His plan. That he knows what is best. I have to trust him. The more I trust Him the more that eventually He will trust me. (I'm not perfect in this and it's not always easy). He will help us. That didn't mean I would get a baby. I also learned that he loves us so much and doesn't want us to be sad. I have had moments of peace and comfort through this. I felt blessed while going through this in different ways (talks I was able to read, scriptures, blessings, prayers and other personal blessings. (A great comfort to me: General Conference Oct. 2010 Henry B. Eyring "Trust in God, Then Go and Do". Read it. You'll love it!) I also learned the word PATIENCE!!!! Over and over and over again.(Three months, one long day at a time, watching and waiting) I'm not good at this. I am trying though.---Scriptures have been a huge comfort to me. I'm reading in my personal study The Old Testament. Abram and Sarai did as Heavenly Father asked and were blessed. (Joseph Smith-Whatever God requires is right no matter what it is, although we may not see the reason there of until long after the event transpires.) In Sunday School we are studying the New Testament where Mary the mother of Jesus did as Heavenly Father asked. It wasn't easy I'm sure. They trusted Heavenly Father. There are many more examples I'm sure. These are just the ones I've thought and read of recently.

Poem

My life is but a weaving
between my Lord and me;
I cannot choose the colors,
He worketh steadily.
Oft times He weaveth sorrow,
and I, in foolish pride,
forget He sees the upper,
and I the underside.

Not 'til the loom is silent
and the shuttles cease to fly,
shall God unroll the canvas
and explain the reason why.
The dark threads a are as needful
in the Weaver's skillful hand,
As threads of gold and silver
in the pattern He has planned.
He knows, He loves, He cares,
nothing this truth can dim.
He gives His very best to those
who leave the choice to Him.

Author Unknown

I know that Heavenly Father loves me. I know that as I follow and trust in His plan that I will be happy. And hopefully He will learn to trust me. I know that Heavenly Father hears and answers prayers and that we should figure out how he answers us. I know that when I'm calm, read my scriptures, pray with sincerity, and ponder that He answers me. I'm grateful for this knowledge.

I know my house is sometimes chaotic. And I know sometimes not perfectly clean. But one thing I know. I know that I love being a mom and all that comes with it. I'm thankful for this test to help remind me of how truly blessed I really am. Thanks for reading. I hope it wasn't too painful:).

"The first commandment to man was to multiply and replenish the earth with children. That commandment has never been altered, modified, or cancelled. The Lord did not say to multiply and replenish the earth if it is convenient, or if you are wealthy, or after you have gotten your schooling, or when there is peace on the earth, or until you have four children. The Bible says 'Lo, children an heritage of the Lord:...Happy is the man who hath his quiver full of them....('Ps 127:3,5) We believe God is glorified with having numerous children and a program of perfection for them. So also will that God glorify that husband and wife who have a large posterity and who have tried to raise them up in righteousness" Ezra Taft Benson, in Conference Report April 1969, 12).